in regards to teenage relationships, i don't know where i stand.  i see couples happy together all of the time my age.  some stay together for a week, some have been together for years.  i wish i could be the type of person who doesn't get distracted.  i feel like this would be so ideal for me wanting to be with someone.  i fear it interfering with my goals for the future and my grades.  i'm not the most consistent person these days.  i also fear splitting up.  not necessarily breaking up.  i mean couples being together in high school and going to different colleges.  i've always been skeptical about long distance relationships.  sure, its still possible to see each other every so often to visit and what not, but what happens in between?  no hugging, kissing, spending time together.  just phone calls and text messages.  that's what i fear.  that's why i'm so hesitant.  i can't fight the feelings in my heart but my rational mind has to be in the picture as well.  maybe being single is what is ideal.  maybe the loneliness is simply a compromise. 

all of the feelings are resurfacing again.  not that they really went away. i'm not ready to be with someone, i just know it... god i wish i could just do it.  you make me so happy..i wish i wasnt afraid, i wish my parents could trust me being with someone. my heart and brain are at war.  fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck why does it have to be so hard oh my god

high expectations kill me.  whether they be from myself or other people.  i just wish i could be happy with what i do without taking into account other people's opinions or views on it.  my grades, my decisions, my life.  but no.

Fuck I don't want to start school.

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